How Barney’s save their customers as a luxury brand

How Barney’s save their customers as a luxury brand

Here is the prof’s suggestion: The aim of this editorial is to persuade customers of the luxury brands to appreciate the craftsmanship of luxury goods and support stores that celebrate that craft.

Lede: You are writing well and raising an interesting question—essentially, if a luxury store (Barneys isn’t really a brand or a good) fails, does it harm its luxury reputation? That is indeed a worthy question…but you’re covering the decline as a news story.

Might you rethink this lede and perhaps put yourself in as part of the story? Why do you care about the fate of Barneys? (By the way, make sure to spell the store correctly—no apostrophe.) What is at stake if the company eventually goes under? What is lost, emotionally as well as physically?

Thesis: You stop short of giving us a thesis. What, specifically, are you arguing for? For customers to swear off online shopping and shop at the brick-and-mortar stores they love? Give some thought to how you want the reader to act. What will they do as a result of reading and being persuaded by your logic, evidence, and emotion? Evidence: You write well (although do proofread for little extra words and shifting of tense), but you are short on evidence. This will naturally fall into place as you craft and sharpen your thesis.

As written, your piece is more news-oriented than argument-oriented. You lose me a little with the argument that luxury goods are a sin—a very interesting point. But why? Is there a study you can cite to give some insight into the psychology behind luxury spending? (I see you do cite a study but give us no information about where or when or whom conducted the research. Readers need that so they know where they can trust your sources.) I love your interview—though please find her last name and give us an idea how long she’s worked at Saks. Is she evidence for or against your thesis? Again, that will be clearer, as you sharpen your thesis. Counterargument: I’m not sure what you’re thinking of arguing (or, actually, refuting) here, but clearly there are those who would point out that supporting Barneys and the like is a luxury of privilege. What if one is unable to shop there? What if one is opposed to consumerism? Let us hear from those critics…and then how will you refute them?